39. SECRET PHONE CALLS
What Research Shows
In the world of addiction, a smartphone is the ultimate lifeline. It’s how a person connects with dealers, coordinates meetups, and secures their next dose. Because of this, a sudden, dramatic shift in how your loved one handles their phone is often one of the earliest signs of trouble. In many cases, the person thinks of the phone as an extension of their personal boundaries and self such that any intrusion - overhearing conversations, confiscation of the phone, refusal to pay for the phone carrier, etc.
What You See
Pay attention to "the walk-away." Someone who once left their phone lying around now keeps it glued to their side, even in the bathroom. When it rings, they might look panicked, immediately leave the room, or drop their voice to a whisper. If you walk in, the conversation abruptly stops. Ask who it was, and you’ll get defensive, vague excuses like "just work" or "wrong number."
You might also notice mystery callers. If you happen to answer their phone, the person on the other end might hang up instantly. Dealers and drug associates operate in secret; they won't risk leaving a message or identifying themselves to a family member. If they do speak, they will likely ask for your loved one by first name only, refusing to explain who they are, and getting hostile if you ask.
What You Can Do
If your loved one reacts with explosive anger when you answer their phone or ask about a text, it isn't just about privacy. It is panic. So, that is one way to determine the use of the phone and whether or not there is an extreme reaction or not. If you are paying for the line, then you have the right to enforce parental controls, parental review of phone history, or that you have the right to cut off the phone provider. Yet, be certain that even if you do those things, anyone driven to use the phone for purposes to support alcohol and/or drug use will find a screen somewhere. That little screen holds the keys to their secret life, and they will go to extreme lengths to keep it locked away from you.
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